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Here’s what Hope had to say about:
How she found out her children were using…
I’d noticed two of my three children were using around seventh or eighth grade and this took place because the principal of the school that they were going to called me in for a private session; didn’t say who the parent was but someone had brought to their attention, who wanted to let me know, that there was a good possibility that they were using.
Her shock at finding out both children were using…
As soon as I found out I spoke to my husband and then I spoke to the children that were involved and the younger one said, “See you got us in trouble now.” I thought it was one and not both and the realization of that was rather shocking. The other realization was that I went through this whole process once before with my husband.
What happened when she confronted her kids…
My husband and I sat down with our children and we explained the process that my husband went through, beginning to end, and how horrible a disease it is including heredity tendencies because of their father. And of course they agreed with everything that we said – “We’re sorry, we were only trying it out,” and it was not as big a deal as we were making it out to be. As all parents do, I want to believe that, because they were very apologetic about the situation. My children were using a lot more than what they said they were doing and I just didn’t want to believe that. Not my children.
What she thinks about her kids’ manipulation…
I later found out kids are great manipulators and they know how to get and say what they want and when they want it – and they know what you need to hear as a parent so that you will back off.
What challenged her perception of drugs…
I was shocked to discover that my children were not only using marijuana, but they were using drugs that I thought were used by experienced drug addicts, and it was an incredible shock…and that the availability of it is absolutely horrendous.
Why she feared confrontation…
My fears in confronting this is that other people would find out that my children were using and therefore I was a bad parent, that I did not recognize the signs.
How she dealt with her own emotions…
To find out that I wasn’t a bad parent was a process that I had to go through and the process of eliminating the guilt, eliminating the emotional ties to my children, eliminating the anger of everything that took place because I felt totally powerless, I was helpless, I was in great despair…and what did I do? What did I do to make this happen? I had to go through a process of undoing those feelings.
What she thinks about solving the problem…
What I would do over again, if I had the chance, [is that I wish] my husband and I initially were on the same page as to looking at the problem when our children had a problem. And the other thing we learned is that behaviors continue as long as there is an enabling system which allows it. So if one of us allows it, the problem will never go away – so you need to get help.
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