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"I just wish I would have listened more-I always looked at my parents and the people who were telling me that 'drugs were bad' as dorks… I (used to tell) my friends not to do drugs. Then my attitude completely changed once I tried them, but it's just not worth it. I lost everything."
Kati didn't seem like the kind of teen to get mixed up with drugs-she was an accomplished dancer, and even appeared on Star Search with her dance troupe. She admits, "I was given everything I needed. I was taken care of. I was loved." However, like many kids her age, she was a natural risk taker and experimenting with drugs seemed like the perfect thrill. She started drinking at age 15 and began smoking cigarettes, using marijuana and popping pills shortly thereafter.
"I love adrenaline. I love the rush. I love risks. I was always looking for that thrill. (Drugs became) interesting to me," Kati remembers.
She also craved acceptance and was drawn to a very rebellious crowd where she aspired to fit in. "I was attracted to their attitude. (This group of kids) that didn't care about anything. They intrigued me."
It was this crowd that introduced her to Ecstasy at a rave one night. "They just gave it to me for free. I had heard about it and I was always kind of curious, so I just tried it." Kati recalls, "(It made me) awake. I wanted to dance. I felt this complete body rush. I felt like everyone was getting along, like it was one big happy family."
It wasn't long before Kati started doing Ecstasy every weekend. At first she would do it with friends while they were at clubs, but then she started using it by herself at parties. She began depending on the drug to have a good time. "It slowly became something I just wanted to do," she remembers. "If I couldn't get (the drug), I would be mad and wouldn't think I'd have a good time."
She never once thought about the consequences of her use, including brain damage or even death. "I just didn't care. It seemed like everyone was doing it and I was in such a place where I was more concerned about fitting in and being cool and living on the edge." And despite the fact her mother worked at an anti-drug foundation and talked to her about the dangers of drug use, Kati continued using. "I always thought I was the exception," said Kati. " I thought it didn't apply to me."
Unfortunately, there were negative effects that Kati wasn't willing to see. She recalls, "People around me that cared started saying things; started noticing (something was wrong). I didn't care about my grades and stopped doing my homework. I stopped hanging out with people I cared about. Every area of my life was affected, but I just didn't want to see it."
Kati started getting depressed as a result of her Ecstasy use, a now known common side effect of the drug. She says, "I would do Ecstasy on the weekends and during the week I would be so depressed that I would skip school. I'd wait for (my parents) to leave for work and then I'd drive back home. I had been a straight A student up until the 10th grade, but (my grades) totally started dropping after that." Kati ended up dropping out during her senior year, two credits shy of graduation.
For Kati, Ecstasy also became a gateway drug to more drug use and harder substances. She says, "The Ecstasy made me depressed. Therefore, I needed more drugs or felt like I needed more drugs to feel good." She started abusing heroin as a result. A friend helped support both their habits on his busboy salary until one day he overdosed in Kati's apartment and died-but it wasn't Kati who found him; it was her sister. The experience was so traumatic for Kati's sister that she started having anxiety attacks and needed therapy. It was at that point that Kati swore off heroin. Unfortunately, however, she didn't end her drug use, turning to alcohol, pills and GHB instead.
Once while high on GHB, Kati ran into a car stopped at a light going 55 m.p.h. She was completely knocked unconscious and airlifted to a hospital. "They said they thought I was dead. I remember just waking up and having no clothes on and all these people looking at me." The hospital tested her for alcohol use, but since she hadn't been drinking, it turned up negative. Since the driver in the other car was unhurt and they didn't think to test her for anything else, Kati was never charged with anything.
While Kati may have avoided prosecution for that incident, she wouldn't be so lucky at other times. Other run-ins with the law included being arrested for petty theft; shoplifting at a Seven-Eleven; three separate alcohol-related reckless driving incidences (receiving one DUI when she was 16 and barely old enough to drive); and a felony narcotics possession charge.
"My parents were just scared and my father, being a judge, would court-order me or have one of his friends court-order me to treatment," Kati recalls. She also landed in jail. "The longest time I was in jail was about a month. (Since) my dad was a judge in the county where I was arrested, they put me in protective custody. It was horrible. I just remember being there and all I had were these four walls around me. I slept 20 hours a day. I wouldn't even eat. It was depressing."
On her thirteenth visit to a treatment center, at the age of 21, Kati finally made a commitment to stop abusing drugs. "I got kicked out of (the previous) 12 treatment centers, but in the last place, I really wanted to stop (using), because I had worn out every single other avenue. There was nothing else for me to do," Kati remembers. "It got to the point where I wasn't even having fun anymore. It was way past having fun. I was miserable when I was doing it or when I wasn't." Her last treatment stay at a residential facility lasted 13 months.
When asked how she has changed since those years, Kati responds, "I was so young when I was going through all this stuff and it just amazes me how different I look at life now. I was just crazy, but I thought that I was just being young and a kid. I was always worried about being cool and everyone liking me, being better than everyone. You know, all ego stuff (that prevented me) from seeing what I was doing. (Treatment) gave me a new chance."
Unfortunately, Kati didn't escape her drug use without consequences. She states that her drug use has damaged her both mentally and psychologically, "I have a really bad memory, especially short-term. I can tell it's a lot harder for me to catch on and retain information. People say all the time that it's like I have ADD. I can't focus on one thing for very long time. Psychologically, I'm sure it has affected me. (I was in) some not so good places for a while. Even though I don't dwell in the past, it's hard to forget it."
Fortunately, she has been able to rebuild her life. She continues to be close to her younger sister who had to take over the role as an older sibling by helping to care for and watch over Kati during her addiction. Her relationships with her parents have also been rebuilt. "I hated my parents. I blamed them for my drinking and abusing. It was always their fault. I was always so mean to them, (but) it's totally come full circle now."
Looking back, Kati says, "I just wish I would have listened more-I always looked at my parents and the people who were telling me that 'drugs were bad' as dorks. I remember just looking at them and thinking they were goody-goody. I (used to tell) my friends not to do drugs. Then my attitude completely changed once I tried them, but it's just not worth it. I lost everything."
For more information on Ecstasy and Club Drugs please click here.
Read another interview with Kati by 48 Hours.
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