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"Every parent needs to be educated… If a kid says 'let's go rolling tonight,' parent(s) assume they're going rollerblading…they're not. They're doing Ecstasy."
Tinker Cooper is a teacher from Florida whose son, Joe, got involved in the club scene, became addicted to ecstasy and died from an overdose of heroin in his mid-twenties. In the following interview she talks about losing her son to drugs and how it affected her entire family.
Ms. Cooper, who now counsels youth and their parents about the dangers of drug abuse, says her experience is typical of many who have been through similar tragedies and could be insightful for all parents.
INTERVIEWER: Were there any early indicators that your son was involved in drugs?
COOPER: I knew Joe was going to the (rave) clubs downtown, but I was born and raised in Central America, and we went to the clubs downtown, drinking beer and dancing. I'm thinking this is what he's doing.
I noticed a lot of things. But I didn't know they were (caused by) ecstasy. I didn't know it was heroin. . . . He just said he smoked pot and drank… (but) there were times that he would come over and he was very high. The only time I ever saw him that indicated it was (more than) pot was the last time I ever saw him. His eyes were very strange. He was moving in slow motion. He was reacting like a zombie. He could not comprehend a simple conversation. I knew it was not pot, but I didn't know what it was.
The researchers said when they analyzed Joe's hair, even though he's classified as a heroin death, he was not a (regular) heroin user. They said the heroin that was in his hair (along with some cocaine) was right at the follicles, (meaning) it was a very recent event. But he had MDMA in every hair from one end to the other. He was a chronic ecstasy user. So I can only surmise that the (other) times I saw him high, it was ecstasy when I thought it was pot.
INTERVIEWER: When Joe died, what happened to you emotionally?
COOPER: I died, when Joe died. When I found him, I couldn't breath, and I couldn't swallow. It was like I was watching TV. This had nothing to do with me. Now they (police) had it all blocked off with crime scene tape. They wouldn't let me back in the house. I could see flash bulbs going off throughout the house. They were photographing everything in there. And I just sat there in the car. This was surreal. I never cried. It was like, this is not happening. I think I just went into shock.
After that, I just straight down the tubes. I started drinking heavily. When I went to bed at night, I wanted to pass out. That was my one goal. I did not want to think because when things were quiet, I would think. In my mind's eye it was like the flashbulbs going off, what he looked like. He was covered in blood. His face and hair, and blood, it was all mingled together. So it was rather a grotesque scene. For a long time, it would flash through my mind. I lived in terror that one day they wouldn't flash, that they would stay. I didn't care about anybody or anything. Nothing made me happy. I just was a basket case.
It's been over four-and-a-half years. I still take anti-depressants. . . There are times I can talk about this all day and not bat an eye. Other times I can't, and sometimes I can't open my mouth or I'll just start wailing and it will go on forever.
INTERVIEWER: And what happened to your family?
COOPER: People don't understand what it does to the family. My husband left me, (and) I didn't even care. . . It was very hard for me to love my own daughter or my grandson. My daughter has a very hard time. She's married now and pregnant with her first child. And sometimes she'll just call me and cry, and she's twenty-seven-and-a-half years old.
My son's ex-wife - they were divorced, but in the process of getting back together - she and my grandson lived with me, and there are times she's a nutcase. Three days before his 31st birthday, she went out and she didn't come home. Then I got a call saying that she wanted to die, she wanted to be with Joe. I was to raise Jason (my grandson), and she wasn't coming home. By the time she came home, it was after 10:00 in the morning. By now, I'm a nut case, and had the cops involved. She had gone to the cemetery and slept on his grave. I now have her on anti depressants, and going to counseling.
INTERVIEWER: From a parent's point of view, do you think the media is providing enough information?
COOPER: They need to provide more information about the immediate as well as the long-term damage of ecstasy. They're picking it up-they're learning more about the dehydration, the speeding up of the heart-but I don't think they understand the long-term damage.
INTERVIEWER: Is the Internet kind of a secret society, that as a parent, you don't feel a part of it?
COOPER: The kids all know the Internet addresses to go to for the pro drug and the rave information, and the parents don't know about this.
INTERVIEWER: Is there anything that can stop the popularity of ecstasy among youth?
COOPER: Education. Nothing else seems to be working. Arresting them is not working. . . If we can get the word out, (we can) get more of them to understand what's happening with the serotonin in their brain and that this is not just immediate. This is long-term (brain) damage.
INTERVIEWER: What can a parent do to help their children make the right choices about these drugs?
COOPER: Every parent needs to be totally educated about the drugs out there. Learn about the drugs, what they look like, the paraphernalia, the terminology. If a kid says "let's go rolling tonight," the parent assumes they're going rollerblading. . . they're not. They're doing Ecstasy. If they were to see a Vicks Inhaler on their kid's dresser, they would probably assume the kid had a stuffy nose and never put that together with drug use. They see glow sticks (and) don't even think "what's my kid got with glow sticks." Parents need to know about dope sick. Joe would have a runny nose a lot. He had back aches...I would think he was getting the flu.
Parents need to get educated, even if they think they have a kid that would never do drugs. Don't ever say "never." All their kid needs to do is go to one of these parties and it could be the last party they go to. A friend of mine, her daughter went to a hotel party with her two best friends, and tried heroin for the first time and died. Eighteen years old, 4.0 average, scholarship recipient, church-going family, close-knit family, not a reason in the world to suspect this girl (would use drugs). It's an equal opportunity destroyer.
To learn more about Ecstasy, click here.
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